What is this postpartum depression? Well according to wikipedia it's depression that occurs after childbirth.



I was fine during my pregnancy, not much mood swings or anything, I made myself happy, going out with friends, pampering myself with massages, exercise, spend time with my cat and dog, exercise a little, cooked for myself daily, basically I was a happy chap, other than one or two events that my husband upset me.

So I thought nahhh I will never get baby blues, what are the odds that things like that will happen to someone like me? I am not a cry baby nor a attention seeker plus I have always been independent. I guess I underestimate hormones changes. #dontsayyouwontgetit!

It was stressful coming home with a baby with no help. Yeah my bad I was too confident that I will have time to take care of myself. First of all, I had no clue how to be a mother. Secondly I had to feed her every hour means there's no sleep for me and I was cranky because I have not adjusted myself to her schedule.

The 1st week was still bearable I had my mak bidan over to daily for my massage and she helped bathing baby M, mom prepared lunch and dinner for me all I had to do was heat it up but my house chores was piling up and I wanted to keep my house clean so I pushed myself a lil bit too hard, did housework and breastfeed a baby without sleep. Plus Ric was out most of the time because his business was picking up. The normal me would have been understanding, knowing that he's trying his best to make a living for me and our daughter but the me with PD was uh-oh I kept crying, I hated that he was away then he came up with a brilliant idea that made me cry for 2 days.

He decided to ask his mom to stay in and help out. Which was not our agreement before I deliver because we know it will not work. The night she came I wet my pillow. No offence but I did not like her company. She was a very  traditional woman, not to mention very loud as well, I am quite used to the silence I have and freedom I have.

Before giving birth we decided I do not have to follow any confinement rules ie no showering stay in bed no fan aircond etc. I had a way of my own and I am willing to tak the risk. have my own way of bringing up my child. I did not have herbs, ginger or alcohol in my diet because I will be breastfeeding. That was my decision and I am sticking to that. What i did instead I prepared red date tea, cod and salmon for my daily intake not forgetting fruits and veggies. I know this is not acceptable to most traditional women thinking that I'll spoil my body but whatever because they told me I shouldn't eat fish because my vagina will smell like it #dontmakesensetome like hello if you're bleeding 24/7 for 2 weeks trust me that smell ain't pleasent.

Anyway her first comment was I was walking too much, I was not allowed to touch water or carry heavy stuff, fyi I was throwing out the rubbish which will be less than 500g. Okay fine. I told myself to ignore. It was hard I could hardly put a smile on my face whenever I talk to her. It was a difficult time for me especially when they are into weird practices, she did not support breast feeding, or that's how she make me feel, kept asking me to give formula at least once a day which I rejected like a zillion times, yes breastfeeding is hard, I know that's why I am doing it because it benefits the baby to the max. Why give artificial milk when I have the real thing? #canneverunderstandsomepeople then Miya had jaundice, she wanted to feed her red date water, ya allah! why!!!! This is madness to me she was just a week old. Then she said something that made me terasa, she said to my daughter that I'm torturing her because I did not feed her water after breast feeding. Urghhh can someone please educate them?

As much as I hated the company I know she meant well and I too felt bad that I put my husband in that situation. I felt sorry for him but I had to make him do something cause I have reached a point whereby I am gonna say something unpleasant soon. Yes I kept telling myself stop being so sensitive she's just helping but I do not know why I couldn't control myself.

Meanwhile I was also depressed that I had no time for Mimi, my cat. She's been with me for 7 years now our bond is special. The day Miya came she stopped eating she didn't like the baby I guess. Then she'll be sitting at a corner looking at me. Just felt so bad I had no time for her for nearly 2 weeks. Had to hide her in the other room when visitors came and she didn't like company. Seeing her sad just made me cry everytime I see her.

Anyway it took me some courage. I had to tell Ric and my mum I had baby blues because I wanted it to go away. I hated myself for being sad hated how I cry for no reason it was just crazy. Thanks to Ric and my mum I walked out of it. Took awhile but I felt better.

In the end support is very important after pregnancy. You have no idea what the hormones will turn you into and I'm glad I came out of it after a week.